This blog is not for everyone, and is not about teenage angst and unrequited love. It is a pre-cursor to something of a much bigger dream of mine. I'm a strong believer that things happen to everybody for a reason, some, more than others. But for those of us who have suffered through something life altering, I feel the strong need for communication. If there's anything that I would have been proud to leave behind, it would be the knowledge that I could help somebody.
Depression is a real thing. For those of you who know me, I am a generally happy person. I've led a pretty normal life despite my circumstances. It was after the passing of my mother at a very young age that I decided that either one of two things could happen; I could let the event rule my life, and tiptoe a very dangerous path to self-destruction... or take the high road, and use it as a stepping stone to get me to great places. It's a heavy concept to deal with at the ripe age of eight, but from then on, I rode the coattails of my friends to live a somewhat normal childhood.
Life is great, life has so much potential for each and every one of us. It's those times when we forget this that turn us into someone else. I guess you could say I have been brushing the bad times underneath the rug for a very long time. I thought, "I need to put this thing behind me, and just live." But I had trained my brain so well to ignore sadness, that something had to give. It wasn't until the recent passing of my grandfather (whom I was very close to), that unearthed some feelings I have never experienced before.
I came back that week from the funeral to continue on with work and school. I started noticing some changes in my body and myself that were unfamiliar to me. Sleep became more prevalent as the days had passed, I was needing more of it, and more often. Getting up in the morning has been a struggle, I simply do not want to face the day ahead of me. I relied on more and more caffeine than my body should be able to handle in order to keep myself up and running. I noticed my motivation levels dropping rapidly... things I used to enjoy like going to the gym had become something I dreaded. School was the next of the effects. I had absolutely no motivation for class, and I simply could not focus. Everything in my mind was normal, but my body told me otherwise.
After a doctors appointment this week, I had been reluctantly coming to the conclusion that my mind was trying to tell me something. All of these feelings I had ignored for so long were finally taking over. My mind said, "alright, if you aren't going to address these issues, we'll let your body show you how you really feel."
Overcoming sadness is mind over matter. Right now, my body is screaming at me to let go. But you cannot do this. I know I am stronger than anything that can happen to me, and stronger than any therapy you can prescribe. My path to happiness still exists, my vision is just a little blurry. With the help of great friends, and family, I'm hoping to get back to the basics. Because sadness lingers just a moment, happiness is eternal.
If you are simply passing through this blog because you saw me advertise it, thanks for reading. If you are someone who knows somebody having issues coping with a loss, pass this URL along. If you, yourself, are dealing with something and would like help... you are not alone. Feel free to email me with any questions or concerns, or just leave a comment below. You are stronger than you think.
